Hiiyaaa Paaaaalll.

Allow myself, to introduce…myself.

My name is Justin. I am a Pisces, I like writing, and I’ve never been laid.

Ipso facto — I started a blog.

Now, I realize that you (three friends and mom) have taken the time to read my blog in place of the 1000 other things that you otherwise could be (and probably should be) doing.  So, first, I want to thank you for this very questionable decision.

Second, because I know your time is valuable, and in the spirit of my newfound, and admittedly lofty, aspiration to exercise more empathy, I’d like to give you the reasons for why I SUCK as a blogger, and you shouldn’t waste your time.

 

Here Goes.  DO NOT READ THIS BLOG IF:

 

• YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A DETAILED AND ORGANIZED GUIDE BY AN EXPERIENCED WRITER WITH ADVICE OR COMMENTARY ON ONE DEDICATED TOPIC – LIKE: ‘HOW TO TRAVEL.” More like disorganized smattering by an amateur in a variety of topics. This gets to the heart of the meaning and ethos behind the blog’s namesake.

 

• YOU ARE LOOKING FOR ARTISTIC INTEGRITY. I’m not an artist and I have no integrity.

 

• YOU HAVE AN EXTREME AVERSION TO MOVIE QUOTES CIRCA 1980 – 2010, or a particular dislike of James Carrey, pre-2000s Tommy Cruise, Seinfeld, Home Alone, Lady Bugs, The Notebook, Clueless or Hitch.

 

• YOU ARE ALLERGIC TO PURPOSELESS TRUNCATION OF FAMILIAR VOCAB. Def, prob, poss not def. 

 

• YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH SARCASTIC USAGE OF ANTIQUATED WORDS AND PHRASES MORE APPROPRIATE FOR KING AUTHOR’S COURT. Alas, a fortnight henceforth, you shall blind thy eye and banish thy soul.   

 

• YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE HUMOR IN PURPOSELY MISUSING OVER-USED PLATITUDES. You mess with the bull, it’s worth two in the bush.  You can get a good look at your butcher… 

 

• YOU HATE TANGENTIAL AND EXTREMELY INTERESTING REFERENCES TO BOOKS, ARTICLES, THOUGHTS, WHIMS, ETC. Or the use of the word tangential. Or purposely over-indulgent language.

 

• YOU DESPISE SARCASTIC HUMOR THAT IS HYSTERICAL TO ME. I have a gift.

 

• YOU DISLIKE THE JEWS OR HATE MILK AND/OR HONEY; AND / OR USING ONE; AND / OR MORE THAN ONE; ‘AND / OR’ IN THE SAME SENTENCE. Jesus, I am annoying.

 

• YOU KNOW THE PROPER USE OF A SEMICOLON;

 

• YOU ARE A COTTON-HEADED NINNY-MUGGINS. Francisco, that’s fun to say…

 

[Exhalation] If you are still with me after that, and I assume that you are not, proceed at your own risk…unless you’re into that sorta thing, in which case I’ve got the shackles in the back, just kidding, you should leave, but seriously, I’ve got ‘em…and thanks.

On a more serious note: my writing is some mix of light-hearted-ness, irreverence and probably-out-of-place, serious reflections – peppered throughout with references to 90s pop culture, articles, books and movies that possibly only I find interesting.

Hopefully you find it interesting as well.

Topics will include: Nutrition, Travel, Comedy, Arts, Psychology, Book Recommendations, Coffee Shops Interests, etc.

Thanks for reading.  All comments welcomed, encouraged and appreciated.

 

Justin